


And if the chains unshackled

by hyacinth_lea



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Friends to Lovers, I guess that's all??, Just a sulking boy in love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Sulking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 12:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20724104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyacinth_lea/pseuds/hyacinth_lea
Summary: It’s beyond Hongbin, to the point that he would even prefer to drop dead instead of letting Hakyeon get near him and be able to feel the way that Hongbin’s breath stills in an inaudible gasp, heart somersaulting inside his ribcage whenever the bridge that has formed between the two physically closes.--part of Intoxicating Nbin kiss lottery





	And if the chains unshackled

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Emykrad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emykrad/gifts).

> PROMPT: confession kiss + roommates + "You make my heart do the thing and it honestly freaks me out"

Fear slowly begins settling itself in Hongbin’s system, crawling through him in increasing uncertainty that makes him fix his gaze on his longtime friend- the apprehensiveness of the situation leading him to think that if he doesn’t do that, Hakyeon will disappear into the darkness of their flat’s hall carrying with him the unspoken words that Hongbin’s lips won’t dare say out loud. Tensions between them don’t regularly manifest this way, but when Hongbin can’t articulate what he wants to say and leaves Hakyeon with more questions than answers about his peculiarly odd behaviour he can quite empathize with his friend--he would also be bewildered.

“Ah” Hakyeon sighs, small signs of exasperation latching tightly to such simple a sound, “So it is like that, Hongbin-ah?” he hears Hakyeon say, words cutting through Hongbin like a blade that leaves him staggering and without any way to respond in sight.

The question is an evident open challenge to Hongbin’s silence, and he is clearly aware of it by the hints of frustration in his eyes that Hongbin quickly detects and the light tremble of his lips that gives away the discontentment at the unforeseen change they have suddenly gone through. Bad intentions are not what Hongbin harbours in his thought process, and there is no malice when he tries to push the other away whenever the distance between becomes to close for comfort. It’s beyond Hongbin, to the point that he would even prefer to drop dead instead of letting Hakyeon get near him and be able to feel the way that Hongbin’s breath stills in an inaudible gasp, heart somersaulting inside his ribcage whenever the bridge that has formed between the two physically closes.

Hongbin’s gaze lowers and he can’t even begin to explain the rush of gratitude that flows through his veins when Hakyeon doesn’t even attempt to turn the lights in their place, standing idly in front of the couch Hongbin is huddling at, “Hongbin-ah” he begins, “If I have done something that may have bothered you the past few weeks- do let me know, please?”

The way that guilt creeps up Hongbin’s body so rapidly makes his breath hitch, especially when the irritation in Hakyeon’s tone diminishes in an instant, replacing itself by genuine concern painting itself in those ever sincere dark orbs that Hongbin more often than not has found himself getting lost into. He is aware there is no method to vanquish it and it just hammers the wrongfulness in the situation deeply in Hongbin’s mind.

There is nothing that Hongbin could deem incorrect. The portfolio of things Hakyeon has done puts itself on display in Hongbin’s mind, page by page showing how there is no wrongdoing--not a direct one at least. They have been living together for years and the way each other ticks in this friendship is basic knowledge to each other, so Hongbin understands Hakyeon’s confusion and knows that is anything but uncalled for.

Hongbin is conscious of having been the one that withdrew, yet hearing worry covering each word that leaves Hakyeon’s mouth makes him feel a weight at the pit of his stomach. His confusing actions aren’t healthy, and Hongbin is owner of that knowledge, seeing just how he is hurting the one he cares for the most with the sharp silence and constant rejection. Yet, Hongbin’s hand still tremble when his lips are even close to uttering Hakyeon’s name, fingers clutching the fabric of his jeans for even a sliver of support because not even sitting down offers him the stability he would need.

“Hyung--”

He is cut off rapidly, the reaction from Hakyeon so lightning fast it leaves him startled with words being directed to him as soon as he opened his mouth, “Well you finally decide to go back to that, huh?” it’s an accusation he feels he is meant to be at the receiving end of. Hongbin bites on his bottom lip, his eyes fixing on his fidgeting hands as he hears Hakyeon go on, “How long has it been?”

_Plenty of weeks, _Hongbin wants to say. He could give the exact count of days, and probably even the hours since this behaviour started, yet he wouldn’t find the exact day when realization hit and much less when was the beginning of it all. He only knows that it has always been present somehow, a lingering feeling of completion whenever he as much as interacted with Hakyeon.He doesn’t want to pass as neither cheesy or creepy, as a stalker of his own realizations nor as a closet romantic--but when words hold truth to them they burn, and Hakyeon shouldn’t be wondering what he did wrong yet Hongbin is putting up a fight with one’s worst enemy, his own brain.

It shouldn’t be complicated to find the precise response when their friendship has been based on being open regarding anything and everything, “Is it because I brought some friends the other day? It’s not like--” the quiver in Hakyeon’s voice isn’t missed by Hongbin, neither the way he is fidgeting on his spot and the urgent need in his tone to explain himself, “It’s not like we did anything bad--okay sure, we did disrupt your gaming session for a while but other than that..”

Hongbin clears his throat, no desire to remember the number of people that gravitate around Hakyeon and he sees the way Hakyeon hesitates, falling silent for some minutes, brief gaze at the ceiling in what seems a desperate search for a solution to this dilemma Hongbin has made them both a part of- one that shouldn’t be making Hakyeon doubt regarding how he behaves in their own flat but that ultimately does.

Yet Hongbin can’t deny the way fright has made him enclose himself in secrets he wishes wouldn’t ever reach Hakyeon’s ears. Hakyeon’s composure starts losing itself in his words, “Look, it’s not like I’m doing anything even close to immoral while you are locked up in your room”

And Hongbin knows, he is entirely aware. Yet he can’t help the unamused laugh that escapes his throat and the way his eyelids close in faux mockery, “Who’s calling you immoral? Am I?”

“Hey Lee Hongbin!”

“Whatever you do behind closed doors it’s entirely up to you, hyung” Hongbin says, instantly regretting letting those words slip from his lips, visibly flinching as if he had been burnt by pronouncing them, “I mean… It’s not like I would actually care, it’s your life”

Hakyeon lets out a simple _‘Ah’ _and nods his head lightly at the sudden words. It’s noticeable, too clear in the darkness of their living room- the way Hakyeon can even transmit how he feels the offense coming from Hongbin’s words. Hongbin huddles up against the couch in response, burying his head in his arms while trying his best to avoid the hurt that paints itself in Hakyeon’s face, “Ah, you don’t actually care, fine”

Hongbin responds with a weak wave of his hand. The attempt to dismiss Hakyeon’s words evident, a futile try to disguise his feelings under an uninterested and unaffected facade he struggles to put up for the apprehensiveness makes him unable to look into Hakyeon’s eyes. However, Hongbin is more than capable of feeling the evident discomfort in Hakyeon’s tune as it unveils itself vividly, so much that Hongbin’s ability picture it clearly in his mind without the need to look at him even makes him unstable. He does know almost all of Hakyeon’s expressions by heart after all - except ones that he has only wondered about vaguely and that make him hide his face in sudden embarrassment, “You are older than me, you can do as you please”

“Is that what our friendship has turned into?” Hakyeon asks, tone almost void of emotions but quivering with stinging. Hakyeon knows him ever since his worries only revolved around how to flee home to play basketball when grounded to the horrible sleeping patterns college induced on him, from the way he used to wake up to his mother’s nagging to now how he wakes up to Hakyeon randomly sleeping on his bed and mumbling his name like it had been a word made especially for him to say.

“What else can it turn into anyway?” slips from Hongbin’s lips as a reply to Hakyeon’s inquiry. It’s not like there is the tiniest glimmer of hope when he knows that Hakyeon won’t ever see him as nothing else than a younger brother and resignation takes over.

The sound of Hakyeon’s breath halting for a second as if he had been punched by an invisible force he can’t quite grasp finds its way to Hongbin’s ears, and when he looks up there is nothing but the sight of Hakyeon standing right in front of him. Only lights from the passing cars filtering through their blinds are what illuminate him--and it staggers, the unconcealed pain staggers him and renders him unable to form any kind of thoughts that even show any hint of coherency, “It has been fifteen years and it pains me that you are behaving like this, Bin-ah” there are tremors in Hakyeon’s voice that echo in Hongbin’s very own being, the sensation too foreign for him to cope with and yet, he feels like stubbornness and stupidity were playing a sick joke on him, “I thought we could fix anything and everything but you are not letting me in and--”

“It freaks me out!” Hongbin interrupts, disentangling his arms in a haste and raising to his feet. The distance between them seeming abysmal but physically no more than being at arms length. Hongbin quivers, his sudden broken composure making alarms set off in Hakyeon’s mind--too evident by how his pupils dilate at seeing him nearly shaking from his outburst, “Hyung, it truly freaks me out”

“Bin-ah…”

“I truly don't know how to deal with this” Hongbin begins, emotions rushing like a waterfall in an incessant course taking him to a place where he may just crash and not come back to his feet ever, cascading enormously fast and without stop and taking his unsteady heartbeats with it, “I have tried, for weeks I have tried to convince myself that what I'm feeling isn't what I think it is--but hyung, I'm failing, miserably so”

Hakyeon attempts to speak, yet the way Hongbin raises his hands puts a halt to his words by that sole gesture. The uncertainty in his eyes is visible but Hongbin can’t bring himself to find a way to stop. It's a rush of sudden bravery, perhaps his mind to mouth filter not working coherently any longer in exchange for some seconds of unfiltered truth, “It irks me so much, seeing you with others when I have got so used to seeing you with me for so long”

It could be seen as selfish, perhaps even downplayed as childish and Hongbin would say that Hakyeon is nothing but correct if those were his statements. That he is being nonsensical and should just shut up, put a halt to the lack of rationality he is displaying-- Hakyeon doesn’t belong to him and has only been but his best friend, the person he grew up with and at the same time, someone who can elicit feelings that make Hongbin flail and question whether his words hold any sort of coherency to them. And it ashames him, terrible so. Yet, there’s no way he can’t stop the jealousy that he feels when he feels that the person who shakes him so much is slipping away.

“What are you…” Hakyeon utters, voice small and confusion embracing his words tightly, “What are you saying, Hongbin-Ah…” it’s painful, it borders terrifying when Hongbin can’t discern whether what he hears and see is bemusement or disgust, justified bewilderment or an unspoken rejection.

His gaze falls on their carpeted floor, embarrassment skyrocketing by the second, tinges of regret following suit and at the same time heart wanting to say out loud all the emotions it has held muted, “I can't stand it! It scares me”

Hakyeon takes a step forward, and Hongbin’s heart stops for second. He knows what Hakyeon is trying to do, he knows Hakyeon is going to approach and possibly hug him, attempt to bring calm to him with just smile and tell him to explain when he isn’t trembling, “Your smile frightens me, when you say my name my body trembles--when you look at me I…” Hongbin says under his breath, steps wanting to escape from Hakyeon and find the escape route immediately. He is confessing, he almost is, and when his gaze meets Hakyeon’s- he knows he has picked up on it.

“Nevermind that” Hongbin says, an abrupt halt to his words as his feet are already trying to find the quickest way to flee to the safety of his room.

“Hongbin-ah”, Hakyeon is quick to react, too fast to grasp what Hongbin is trying to do, and he calls out to him like that would make him put a stop to it all. He is captured in a haste, warmth enclosing his wrist tightly and burning him as if he had been touched by the sun itself, a sun that made him get burnt just because of falling in love.

Hongbin’s mind shuts, his body reacts out of reflex and pulls his hands out of that grasp like a man escaping from a fire that had been set in the depths of his soul,“Don't touch me!”

The pang Hongbin feels when he sees Hakyeon’s surprised eyes hurts him more than his own silent feelings. The utter distress that washes over Hakyeon’s irises leaves him speechless. Hongbin mutters an apology, long sigh following as his hands fall on Hakyeon’s shoulder, “Don't you understand, Hakyeon-hyung?” he asks, unnecessarily so for he is sure Hakyeon’s attempts to stop his volatile actions are nothing but his way of apologizing for rejecting him. Hongbin looks up, silent love lingering in his lips in awaiting, “You make my heart do the thing and it honestly freaks me out”

“It freaks me out,” Hongbin says, hands shaking, forehead now resting against Hakyeon’s as if words would reach to him more effectively the closer he was. It’s unshackling the chains in his heart in a split second, perhaps bribing the jailor keeping his words captive to play a blind eye to the disastrous outcome this may have, “Loving you scares the hell out of me, because I don't think you will ever love me back and-”

He is stopped by a sound that makes him shiver, softly brushing against his lips, Hakyeon’s surprised gasp captivates him and completely hijacks him from any trail his words were treading. It halts his heartbeats, an arrow thrown his way with the target being his erratic heart. Hongbin’s lips tremble, all sense of time lost as one of his hands lightly travels from Hakyeon’s shoulder to rest on his neck. He feels them both freeze, the only sound tearing the silence is Hakyeon’s honeyed voice letting out a question that prompts Hongbin to react and act up. It’s but a simple ‘_ So? _’ the one that has Hongbin closing the gap between them, his lips pressing tightly to Hakyeon’s own expectant ones.

It’s tight-lipped and soft, urgent yet with an indescribable calm as if he had arrived at a destination that has been long awaited, eyelids fluttering shut and for a few seconds, Hongbin feels like this is everything he has ever wanted in the world. He feels Hakyeon’s hands falling on the side of his arms, his fingers softly holding him in place and making the reality of it all dawn on Hongbin, realization hitting like a train out of its rails when Hakyeon’s touch brings him back to the surface.

“I'm sorry--” Hongbin retreats, his arms fall to his side and the back side of his legs make contact against the couch when he tries to take some steps back but the piece of furniture prevents him from running away. His cheeks are burning, his breath is trapped in the stillness of the night and his eyes don’t dare look at Hakyeon even when he hears his name falling from Hakyeon’s lips time and time again, urging him to look at him once more.

“Hyung-”

“Hongbin, please”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--” And it’s when he sees the traces of a frown forming in Hakyeon’s face that he corrects himself, nervousness now presenting itself when the possibility of having made his best friend mad seems too real, “I mean, I did mean to but--”

“Okay, you did mean to kiss me then”

“I mean-”

“And you love me”

Hongbin can’t help but stumble upon his words, awareness showing itself in a myriad of ways he cannot comprehend and the only reaction he deems fit is to deny, backpedal as if it would rewind the hands of the clock and take him back to a moment in which he hadn’t let his words be voiced, in which his heart hadn’t spoken out loud, “It’s not like that, I just--”

"Just what Hongbin, please tell me" Hakyeon presses on and Hongbin wishes he could keep up the act, that he could say that this was a lie, a darned joke just for the sake of it. Yet the taste of Hakyeon’s lips remains as sugary reminder of the reality of his actions, and he can’t lie through gritted teeth, not when he is helplessly losing himself in Hakyeon’s eyes each passing second.

"How could I look into your eyes and tell you that I didn't mean it when all I can think about is how I wish to kiss you again" it manifests in light tremors in his words, all falling in replicas that attempt to hammer the fact that he is truthful. In love, truthfully so and no matter how much he denies it--Hakyeon makes all of it blossom so rapidly like spring passing by in the blink of an eye to bring just beauty of love in its wake, “You know what, this conversation has nowhere to go, I’m sorry I just--”

It’s like a sudden collision, fast and unexpected, too quick and beyond comprehension in the turbulence of the actions that follow as his chin gets trapped in Hakyeon’s slender fingers and his lips are captured in a kiss that freezes Hongbin on the spot, his knees giving away when Hakyeon walks forward coaxing him into letting his weight fall on the couch. Hongbin lands on the soft surface, yet his heartbeat soars high, drumming loudly on his ribcage as Hakyeon settles himself on his lap, hands bringing Hongbin’s face closer, deepening the kiss as his fingers get lost in the back of his hair.

It’s an action that turns difficult to make sense of, just how Hakyeon seems to be reciprocating his feelings tenfold, kiss after kiss signing his name time and time again and engraving itself deeply in Hongbin’s mind--the end of denial having made way to experience what his yearning wanted all along, the authenticity of the moment testified in the sweet little whimpers escaping both of their throats.

When Hakyeon pulls apart, his thumb grazes Hongbin’s lips as his eyes don’t dare break the contact that has been formed between, an undeniable connection that makes Hongbin only let out a mystified whisper of “Why?”

Hakyeon smiles and a question falls from his lips, genuine inquiry of “So this is what our friendship turned into?” bits of hesitance follow and Hongbin can only wait for him to finish talking as Hakyeon’s voice serves as a lullaby to the volatile hits in his chest, “What you want it to turn into--”

There’s not so much Hongbin can say to that, pretty much no other way to showcase an affirmative answer other than a whisper against his lips that lets Hongbin’s apprehensiveness shatter; now convinced that Hakyeon’s actions speak louder than his words and there is no need for him to say he loves him back because all of Hongbin’s thoughts summarize in a couple of words. Simple yet powerful enough as they mingle with Hakyeon’s breath and soon enough, becoming indistinct in between callings of his name echoing in the middle of kisses that taste like home and all he ever wished for, “You make my heart go” and perhaps it’s still scary, yet it’s nothing else other than right.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello once more! One of the Intoxicating mods here, we thought, why not gift the works to each one of the lovely readers who were an important part of Intoxicating and that's the reason why you are getting this work separately as a gift ♡ hoping you still like to eventually reread this and thank you for always being an active part of it.
> 
> And for your prompt that I really TRULY loved writing ♡ 
> 
> -mod🍒🍇


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